I find myself soaked lately.  Inside and out.

In the semi-rain and fog we’ve had lately, I make my way to walk to the gym pulling my jacket and scarf tighter around my being to find an inner glow of warmth. 

I choose to live in a cold summer climate and while others are sweltering across the globe at this time of year, I am deep in the mystery of the fog I can see outside my window and inside my soul.

I shot a photo of my friend David the other day and he was wearing a parka jacket dressed actually very perfect for the day’s climate.  He posted it on his Facebook page and must have received close to 50 responses of friends around the globe noting “the coldest winter being the summer in San Francisco.”

Funny how weather commands such conversation attention.  It brings us together – finding a community of dialogue that is unthreatened, simple, and transparent.

As I make my way into the depths of summer, I reach deeper into the longings of my soul and my art echoes the shadows and the miracles of both light and dark.  I am reminded to hold it all – the balance of what is before me and make my choices based on what’s true for me.

I work in playtime with my 2-yr-old buddy and I hold an elderly friend’s hand as she weeps silently in pain for her tortured bones aching to retrieve lost youthful days when her body was free of aches and pains.

Life is all of this and more.  I can be in the dark and sad and I can be dancing in the light.  And more and more, I hear the call to service and my heart lightens and with camera in hand I open myself to the beauty of it all.

December 6, 2010

It’s cold.  It’s pre-winter.  And the light is crystallizing each day for me.  I’ve walked in the rain lots, shot a double rainbow and been blessed with frequent stunning sunsets from my living room window. 

I treasure my daily practice of following the light.  Sometimes it turns my day upside down. 
I go where the light takes me, a humble messenger in service to its luminosity.

As the years pass the light gods have led me into rich forests of dark.  My work evolved with new twists as I went deeper into unknown masquerades of my own issues.

Always I carry with me that container of possibility of hope and love.  The angelic spirits of pure light would fly to new heights to help me see past the shades of hurt, of uncertainty, of not knowing.  My camera is my salvation.  Knowing that within me those spirits of kindness, revelation, joy and goodness could be woven like a tapestry with the hues of mystery, unknowingness and doubt.   The resulting images are depicting the balance of those polarities and, many times, images of pure poetry.

 

In my current exhibit at 5 Claude Lane Gallery, http://5claudelane.com/# you see a retrospective of where my secret soul has guided me through landscape, travel, family, restaurants and simple paths of delight.  As I continue to shoot, I am more consciously aware of the opposing forces within myself.  When I’m off base, and I have the courage to go to new levels of self-exploration, my work illustrates the circuitous path toward my own illumination.

My art serves me so I may serve others.  It is my sacred work and I hold much gratitude for its gift and to you, for being here.

 

 

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My trajectory in the restaurant industry has led me on a curving journey marking 25 years tonight.  As I was squirming my way through the early days in the restaurant PR biz, I stumbled and strived. There were few gurus around to advise.  I had to create my own roadmap and rely on my internal compass to guide me in this new field I helped create.  

Eventually I came to understand the reality of my work.  My vision was simple - simply to serve. I have been gifted to meet extraordinary people on this journey, many are here with me tonight, people who share the vision and embrace the complexities and simplicities of our industry.  They love food and know they are in business to serve.

And we all have a common link – it is in our blood – with that fueling our existence I couldn’t help but work diligently to serve my best. I’ve also benefited from a parallel gift.  My art is my secret soul, waiting patiently as my work empowered me to do my art.

My clients – my greatest teachers – who have trusted me with their brands and businesses have helped accelerate my own learning curve over and over again.  And 7 rounds with employees and colleagues have taught me how to exchange roles of teacher and student.  

Five years ago I took a major leap.  I went more solo and virtual moving my office coast-side from San Francisco to Montara.  I had to regroup – realign myself with who I was. I knew it was time to bring my art more front and center.  I re-focused my PR work with more hands-on consulting bringing in teams of colleagues to assist rather than employees.  I opened space and time for my art.

Tonight and throughout this month, helped by the generosity of my colleagues, I am privileged to be here at 5 Claude Gallery showcasing my visual articulations of where my secret soul and light has guided me. Honored by friends and colleagues who created this celebration of my 25 years of restaurant work. I am humbled.  I am alive with the understanding of the totality of what I bring to the table.

Many of you have shared a table with me where we have traded stories and shared moments of intimacy and angst.  I hold much gratitude to you, as a collective, for your support and love on this journey we all share.   

I have just recently moved back into the city.  So as I reclaim my city home, I whole-heartedly toast the art inside us all.   

   

 

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Summer 2010
 
It’s well into the season and I am preparing for vacation.  The soft mist this morning on the mountaintops slowly dissipates to bring a new clarity in the sky and in my day.  The full moon was working me hard yesterday.  I am so ready for shifts.
 
I do cherish my surroundings; however, it’s summertime and I am looking forward to bright sun, heat, olive glow on my being…. and a freedom in less clothing.  My camera wants to shoot bright colors.  Sweat. Beach frolic.  Deeper skin tones.  The added light brings new rays of illumination.
 
Funny how the light is just as much a challenge as the dark.  I seek new foundations to center me in the changing forces.
 
I found myself at a downtown city park days ago between appointments.  Knowing I had several hours until the next meeting, I made my way to the grass, laid down on my carefully placed orange scarf and looked up into the light of the trees.  My eyes opened and closed a few times.  Such a slice of magic. I sunk into the earth.  It held me so strong so compassionately.  What a hit of support.   I removed my socks and shoes and felt the coolness of the grass.  My bared feet wiggled and squirmed and moved to the lullabies of each blade singing their own sweet serenade.  
 
This is summer.
 
Looking up to the blue sky I breathed in the moment knowing all I had to do was just lay there and be in the energy of this peace. 
 
The sun kept working its mystical ways around and through the leaves gently moving on the arms of the graceful trees – its rays would catch me ever so often and blind me with brilliant light.  I smile closing my eyes to feel its shimmering effect sweeping in the sparkle bestowed on me.  
 
I am light.
I am dark.
 
I embrace this season holding that totality and remind myself that the forces move, shift, twist and turn.
 
My camera anchors me in this rhythm of the collective dance.
 
I hold it up to shoot the sky and take my place in rays of hope.

 

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Among my greatest comforts of late is to awake ever so early - go into the parlor, open the blinds and just sit and witness the evolving night from dark to light.

I live surrounded by windows and outside i see mountains, cypress trees and sea.  As  the  morning begins to unfold, I notice my own internal landscape opening to what may be in this fresh new day.

The teachings continue and with a yoga practice to ground and help structure my day, I see my own person becoming more patient with the crankiness of areas I have little control of....

what to do today.


For now, I just sit in this stillness and hold the majestic views before me - and in my heart i feel the sacredness.

Cat sits on the rim of my red chair....pondering her approach on a creeping critter on the wall.  Such a mirror and a teacher she is for me - so perfectly still, so all-encompassing on one simple act.

As I stretch further into this second half of my life, I take a new authorship of it.  I own it all. And with that creed, my fears seem to dissipiate.  I can play more gallantly and I can take sidesteps and know the wrong turns will always eventually lead me back to my center.

A new garden awaits - to plant vegetables and herbs and purple and white flowers. Inside me spring is only beginning to sprout.  My eye keeps following the light - everywhere.  My camera follows the trail and helps me see further into the void.

I smile at the deliciousness of the possiblities.

 

 

 

 

December 2009

As I trail into the end of the year with the onset of winter, I can genuinely say I have moved deeper into my compassionate embrace of the polarities inside and outside of me.

 

Wakeup calls seem to abound and it is my own snail pace and slow determination that keeps me lingering in the grit pacing the demonic sidewalk.   

And then one day miraculously out of the sweet hues of morning light comes the simple statement, “lighten up.”  I sigh, remembering I do have a choice.  I loosen my tight fist stuck in the muck and give a casual nod to its utter gunk, quickening my own pace toward the opposing force. Light.  

It is with this light that I am continually guided through my artistic endeavors to speak out through the lens and express pure beauty, simple being-ness and sheer joy.

My photo studies have forced me to look at the opposite of what I shoot and in so doing, I have been steered to face up to the darkness with a new lens of understanding.  This new dimension has transported me to more creative levels of expression and a deeper compassion.  And the journey is only beginning.

To the light
To the dark
And all the teachings in between...

 

I used to live so much of my life in longing, and then I turned 50. Miraculously, my longing transformed into gratitude, and now, I listen more.

This new stillness I have found is wrapped in golden treasures of learning. I know that true learning happens when I allow my own vulnerabilities to surface – purely, simply, nakedly. I shed the outer pictures and let the awkward self move forward.

When I hold my camera, I become a new force. I dialogue with my light-god to move in and through me, to unknown places and tap into a luminosity that ignites my work. An energy magically moves me toward brightness. When I photograph, I illuminate a sparkle inside my subjects and make my way to the core of who I feel they are. Through their life force, I spotlight my own.

At the ocean – my heartbeat is magnified. In the city at dusk, my senses are heightened, and when rain pounds on my roof at home, I feel held in a showering of grace. I close my eyes, listen, and in just a few moments, I am in tune with the bigger elements. It is then that I know – I truly know – we are together on this journey.